1.11 – How Many Sips Does It Take?

So here’s a hypothetical situation that isn’t really hypothetical at all but you’re an imaginative bunch so…play along!

A customer orders a drink. He leaves. He comes back twenty minutes later with his cup, which is just about empty. He puts it on the counter and says “so I just want to let you know that I’ve been drinking this coffee for (insert years, months, minutes, seconds) and this is terrible. Did you make it wrong?”

Nope, sure didn’t. I’ve only been making this drink for four years but hey, you are the expert.

I tell him how we make the drink. He refuses to believe me. Because I am definitely lying about the process. That’s how I roll. I politely inform him that he may be used to another strength of the same product, which is much milder. He corrects me and tells me it isn’t mild at all and this was just made wrong. Until I say the usual name versus what we serve. He says “oh.”

Well, I’d be happy to make you another cup freshly made and see if that fixes the issue. He says, “well, will you give me a refund?” A what? I don’t even get to start my sentence as he replies, “I don’t want one but if you’re going to ask me what you can do to fix it then you should give me a refund. I just wanted to let you know but it doesn’t matter.”

Wait for it…

Okay, jackass sir, here’s the deal. I’m all about making the customer happy. It’s in my freakin’ blood to do so. I’d have been glad to give you that refund if you’d have answered me just one thing – How many sips of this product did it take you to figure out you hated it? One, two, three, seven,eleven? IT TOOK YOU ELEVEN OUNCES TO FIGURE OUT THIS DRINK SUCKED? REALLY?

I don’t know about you but I don’t go to a restaurant and eat an entire steak before saying, “this is the nastiest steak ever…wait, I need some more A1!” I do not wear a pair of sneakers until they are talking before I decide they just weren’t the shoes for me. Perhaps the customer is always right. Unless you are a condescending jerk who enjoys talking to people like they are five. Then you are just…I’m going to keep this as clean as possible and leave it at that.

FTN! to people who use a product and then try to return it. I bet you leave the tags on your clothes…douche.

And I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

And I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.


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