More often than not, I am surrounded by people who live in the list world. If you’re not in the list world, you are seriously one step ahead of the game. For those of you who don’t know what the list world is – let me explain.
The list world is the unrealistic self absorbed world in which you make lists of what someone else has to do/have/look like/say/think in order to be worthy of your time.
Some people call these lists standards. I call them asinine ways of scaring people off. The only reason I can comment on this is because I am a recovering list maker.
I want my special someone to be tall, smart, funny but not annoying funny, gorgeous, tattooed but no more than 10 and none on his neck, pierced but none on his face, patient, artistic, driven, family oriented, not a mamas boy, loves kids, loves animals, can maybe sing, has the cure for Cancer, feeds the homeless. He should also be exactly 4 years older than me, no baby mama drama, dark hair that’s spiked but not too spiked, pretty eyes but not prettier than mine and he should have a nice behind. Because that matters. He shouldn’t be a hipster but should dress nicely. Cocky but not too cocky, sarcastic but not overly done. He went to college but is street smart and he has to know like…seven languages.
Yeah, I’m going to find that guy…tomorrow.
I also had lists for good friends and even family members. I was a list junkie. You were allowed to strike out on two traits but you had to be pretty damn close to perfection to come near my bubble. And it worked. For a little while. But here’s the thing.
It actually didn’t work. Not at all. These checklists I’d created in my head just let me spend more time dissecting each person I met versus getting to know them. And by the time I wised up…they were gone.
Is this another rant, Skylah? Where’s the funny punchline?
There isn’t one.
Rather than making checklists for other people – why not self evaluate. I’m not saying pick yourself apart. We do enough of that based on standards set by society or whoever runs fashion, body image and life itself. I’m suggesting, rather than fixating on what marks your perfect someone should hit – why not focus on hitting some marks yourself.
It is a big pill to swallow when you realize you want something wonderful but you haven’t actually hit wonderful status yourself. I want a guy who’s well read but I don’t read. I want a guy who is super religious but I havent seen the inside of a church in years. I want someone who looks damn fine and is all buff and yummy but I’m sitting on the couch eating red velvet cheesecake and resting my plate on top of my pot belly. Do you see where I’m going with this? Well, if you don’t…you’re slow. And thats not on my list of awesome so you should go away.
Seriously. You are what you attract. If I was the opposite sex, would I think I was a catch? No, I wouldn’t. And therefore, I can tell myself “Girl, you aren’t ready.” Because I am not my best self. Yes, I believe a significant other can make you want to be a better you. Should someone else be responsible for making you become a better you? No. We are all in charge of our own lives. That’s a tall order to ask someone who I think is awesome to be awesome enough for the both of us. Expecting someone else to give me purpose and drive is selfish. And I doubt that’s a trait anyone is writing on their desired list.
This is not about perfection. This is about growth. If you don’t want to grow – why the hell would anyone want to grow beside you?