Lets take a break from NaNoWriMo for a second, shall we?
This is a very personal rant. I’m not about to talk about random people who annoy me. I’m not about to make any humorous digs. This is raw, hand shaking frustration. And I’ll explain why I’m sharing this with my readers at the end.
Here is the short story: guy and girl get separated, guy and girl already have a child together, guys family (for the most part) acts like girl and child do not exist. Guy gets injured (nothing major) girl posts update because she knows word will get back to guys family, guy is completely okay, girl gets phone call from guys mom asking how guy is doing because she herself cannot get a hold of guy. And here’s where I’m royally pissed off.
You don’t call me to ask how my son is doing. You don’t call me to ask if my son needs anything. You don’t call me to ask if you can see my son. You don’t call me to show any interest in any way for this human being. You do call that guy frequently and bring me up in conversation. You question my mothering abilities. You question what I do, where I am, if I can take care of my child. You talk nothing but garbage about me. How do I know this…because your son shouted you out, thats how.
You can degrade me for the sake of talking about someone. You can point your hypocritical religious fingers at me because I refuse to believe in the same things as you. You can say I’m damned to hell and so is my child. You can say whatever you want because, apparently, you are an expert on life itself.
Here is why this is inspiration to me. You are exactly what I don’t want to be. You are a the image of the type of mother, human being I truly wish to avoid becoming and I’ve met some crappy people in my life. You inspire me to work to no end to be a better person on my own so that I don’t have to depend on my son when he is older to give me purpose in my life. You remind me that my son cannot be my crutch. You remind me that my son will become his own man and at some point I will have to let him go and live life all by himself!
You remind me that evil comes in all forms. You spent years pointing a mirror at me so I would hate my own skin, my thoughts, who I am. You should have flipped that mirror around and stared into the true reflection of sadness. I pity you.
If you know my number, buck up and call to ask how my angel is progressing. Ask if he’s talking yet. Ask if he enjoys playing with others and how his manners are coming along. Ask how his asthma is doing and if he’s a happy child. Ask if he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he is loved. Ask about that! And ask yourself this…when you call your son and he doesn’t answer you…when he avoids talking to you or seeing you until he truly has to…ask yourself why. Because you are poison.
You can call me damned because I don’t follow your belief system. I know you are damned, here on this earth because you lack the one thing every mother needs to know to breathe – that your child respects you and loves you to no end. I may be lacking in many things, but this is not one of them.
Poison can be inspiration. It forces us to move and grow, to better ourselves so we can stop the cycle. Poison inspires me to be a better woman, a better writer, a better mother, a better human being. I may not be there yet but I am on my way.
I will kiss the muse. You can just kiss my ass.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress…and I’ll return to NaNoWriMo.