I’m in a mood. You have been warned.
And because I like writing lists on here…I’m writing another one. But this one is all about me because I said so I don’t care if you don’t like it because this is my spot, not yours, so there – neener neener neener.
(I was going to start my list off with “IF” but decided I need to project more of a positive outlook on my future so I’m going to say “WHEN.”)
WHEN I BECOME AN ACCOMPLISHED WRITER
- I will write an extended thank you letter to all of the very few people who have actually been supportive beyond the “oh, that was nice” followed by an awkward smile.
- I will write a huge F U letter to the people who pretended to care at all but really didn’t and then I wont send the letter because I wouldn’t waste a stamp on the phonies.
- I will do a happy dance, which will last for exactly 3 days, 2 hours and 46 minutes. Because I can.
- I will send a copy of a royalties check to the woman who gave birth to me with a large note, which will read : ALL MINE BIZNATCH. DON’T YOU WISH YOU DIDN’T ABANDON MY ASS!?!
- I will take my son on one of those disgusting shopping sprees in which he will pick out things he wants/needs/thinks is shiny.
- I will take my son to the children’s ward at a hospital and he will give half of everything he got away to those kids who never get to go home.
- I will buy my sister a kidney. I’ll just go shopping and buy one. So she can live for like…ever.
- I will fly to Italy and put flowers on my best friends grave.
- I will buy my son a home he never has to leave.
- I will take some homeless people to an expensive restaurant in a ritzy area and let them order whatever they want while all of the stuck up snobs fidget in their chairs because they aren’t sure if cooties are still contagious.
- I will find one single mother on Gun Hill and Hull and buy her groceries.
- I will bring my father back from the dead.
- I will create a college fund for my son and if he doesn’t want to go to college – he can get half of the money and travel the world. Or as far as the money takes him.
- I will take the time to travel with my son, learn a language, swim with dolphins, go whale watching, and dye garments in India.
- I will do everything I never thought I could do for the past 27 years.
- I will buy an RV and just drive.
- I will send my nieces and nephews on a trip anywhere in the world.
- I will pay off all of my sons fathers debt, so he can start his life with a clean slate.
- I will buy a loft in NYC and fill it with art and books and books and art.
- I will promise my son that he will never know my struggle – and keep that promise.
- I will send my sister on a vacation in which someone takes care of her every need. She’s never known that freedom.
- I will remember everyone who has caught me when I’ve fallen and compensate accordingly.
- I will be respected for my voice, the chaos of my mind.
- I will be better.