Warning: I slap someone with a tampon in this post.
Before I get started on my intended post for the day, I’d like to give a shout out.
People who put pictures of random people with some sort of socially unnacceptable physical attribute on their Facebook for the mere pleasure of it are assholes. I don’t care how pretty you think you are, your soul is ugly.
That being said, I’m now going to go down the list of things I feel like covering. I know that was vague and I don’t really care. Deal.
The holidays are fast approaching and I’m really in no mood to go through it this year. In fact, if I had my way, I’d fast forward to my sons birthday in February and continue to fast forward until March or April. Just so all of the chaos was over.
It’s an emotional chaos: this is the first time in eight years that I have lived alone. (Long long long story short, my sons father and I are seperated and it’s the best for all parties involved and we are getting along just fine as we are and if you don’t like it, shut up.) Nonetheless, it takes a lot of getting used to. This is also the first holiday in which my father is no longer with us. I’m sure I will mention him a million times over the season, death sucks, period.
Friday is the last day I spoke to my best friend who passed away on December 9th of last year. That’s nothing to look forward to.
Besides death, yeah, I guess it’s not so bad a time of year…
Oh hell, who am I kidding? I hate the holidays and here’s why.
The greedy people become even more greedy. It’s a gimmie gimmie time of year. No ones grateful for anything except the upcoming sales. It’s a self-indulgent time for a self indulgent species. Look for the upcoming “10 shoppers I Hate” post.
Movies suck. Do you notice they start the 25 days of Christmas on November 26th. THAT’S NOT 25 DAYS. Speaking of which, Happy Feet is featured on that list. That has got to be one of the most MORBID movies I’ve ever seen. The penguin looks like he wants to commit suicide when he’s in the zoo. Having a bad day…DON’T watch that movie. It’s for your own sanity.
Traffic is stupid. People can’t drive as it is and now I’ll have to deal with those dumb shoppers rushing to the mall and sitting on the highway during snow storms. Ugh Kansas for your unpredictable weather. 66 degrees today, possibly 22 tomorrow night.
Grocery shopping is horrid. I don’t want to wait in line behind the woman who is preparing dinner for 30 people. I just want to get some diapers, milk and eggs. And yet, I’m at the store for 45 minutes.
It’s cold. I hate the cold. I hate the cold so much, if the cold was a person, I’d slap her with a used tampon. Seriously, I know thats gross but I’d do it, twice, on film, youtube it and call it a day. The cold is a nasty hooker of a bitch and I hate her. I hope she dies. A lot.
And lastly, I hate the fact that everyone talks about visiting their family. Shut up. I don’t care. My family is 1300 miles away. And since I can’t get to them, I will dislike you instead. Intensely.
I’m really not a grinch, I promise. I’m putting up a tree and doing my shopping like the rest of the drones. I sing Christmas carols and get into the spirit, if for nothing else than to give my son a memorable experience. As long as people don’t annoy me, which will never happen, I’ll be fine.
Yeah, I know. See you on the next post in which I talk about people I hate.
I now return you to the 25 days of Christmas which lasts for 4 months, 23 days and 14 hours…already in progress.