I had plans set up for Saturday with an acquaintance. I say had because I canceled. Mind you, there is no romantic thoughts in either direction, this was simply the start of a friendship.
But I made a mistake in assuming I could be friends with this person. Not because this person did anything wrong. Not because I have any bad feelings toward this person. I canceled, despite looking forward to good adult conversation, because I…I swear I had a reason but my mind just went blank.
Have you ever met someone that makes you feel like you’re all sorts of fucked up? Not intentionally. But because they are so peaceful…you realize your life is a big, huge mistake of chaos? There is absolutely nothing about me that this person could relate to, appreciate or admire. There is nothing about me that could enlighten this person, make this person feel understood or even happy. And thats what friendship is about.
It’s a give and take. And I have absolutely nothing to give someone who has it all figured out. So all I can do is spare this person the time and energy it takes to get passed my walls. Walls that only reveal chaos. Chaos better left unshared.