1.167 – A Career vs. A Dream

Camp NaNoWrimo starts in a little over a day.

I’ll be the first to say that I’m taking on a pretty ambitious project. Not only is the topic and style outside of my realm of comfort but the timing really couldn’t be worse. Between transitioning jobs, taking care of my two year old, and actively working to nullify my marital status…yeah, my schedule and brain capacity are beyond occupied.

BUT

I feel like I need this. To focus my energy toward something positive. To focus on my passion and allow myself time in my day to hone my craft. To do something, this one thing, for myself without guilt.

I’m sure I will be ripping my hair out in less than a week. But I refuse to quit. Just as I finished NaNoWriMo in November 2011, I am confident that I have the ability to complete this challenge. The bigger question is whether or not I have the passion to do it. Knowing you can do something is a far cry from wanting to go the extra mile.

I am starting this journey with a different viewpoint from the last challenge. I actually sat down the other day and asked myself if I should continue writing or put away the pen and focus on something tangible. Now, I know I just said I wasn’t going to quit and I want to work on my craft. A sentence later, I’m saying I have considered throwing in the towel.

I’m a double sided coin with two feelings about this challenge. I feel like a contestant on some cooking show. I’m doing this because I feel like I need to test if this is for me anymore. If this is what fills me with passion. The only way to know is to jump into the pool and decide whether I have the natural instinct to swim or sink with no struggle.

So here’s hoping at the end of June…I will reach one of two conclusions and stick with it.

  1. Accept defeat, let go of the dream and start a career.
  2. Take the ignited fire and run with the dream until I reach paradise.

Here’s to figuring things out.

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