After a nine hour shift, I was so ready to head home. That was at 8pm. It is now almost 12:30am and I’ve been home less than fifteen minutes. Where did four hours go?
Bad luck ate them.
I drove to the sitters to pick up my son, who happened to be asleep. Awesome! We might actually get great rest tonight. The sitter informs me that my son had a lapse in his potty training and spent more time pissing on the floor than he did in the potty. Okay, piss happens. I’m off tomorrow…We’ll spend all day working on it.
My son wakes up. Okay, no biggie. He’ll fall asleep on the way home and all will be well.
He says he has to go potty and does. In the potty. YES! Life is good.
We drive home and there are no lights on in my area of the complex. WTF.
I take my son back to the sitters and ask if he can hang out there until I figure out when the power will be coming back on. (We had a storm this evening so I’m assuming that’s where the power went).
I return to my complex and spot my old neighbors. I lived across from them in a two bedroom in the next building before I downgraded. I’ve barely ever spoken to them much more than a hello. I did ask the wife if I could borrow her husband to move my couch when I was moving and she said “don’t you have a baby daddy?” Yeah, okay. I get the feeling she thinks everyone wants to screw her husband.
I walk over and ask if they know anything about the power coming back on soon. The wife is sitting on a step while the husband is standing in the street. He doesn’t say a word to me and the wife says…and I quote, “you just gonna come up over here like you didn’t see me. Gonna come up and talk to my husband like I ain’t out here.” Then she does this bitchy laugh.
I would address this to that woman but I doubt her ass can read so I’m just going to say this in a very general, non-judgmental voice: it is comical how pothead, low-life, nasty ass, ghetto mentality bitches ASSUME everyone is after their pothead, low-life, nasty ass, ghetto mentality assholes. Please save your insecurity and alcohol induced attitude for someone who gives a shit about you. I asked a simple ass question and I expect a simple ass answer. This is not Maury. I don’t need to know that he probably cheated on you with a cousin or that he has multiple texts from some girl name Rashonda on his phone. So please, just shut the fuck up and do the world a favor – smoke some weed laced with something lethal and die. Thank you.
I wait another 30 minutes in my car only to see the electric people drive by my complex. Okay, this blows and I’m hungry.
I go and pick up my son and decide we’re going to IHOP for some pancakes. I type IHOP into my GPS to see if there is any location closer than the one 20 minutes away. It says there is one 12 minutes from my house. SWEET!
I follow the directions and get a feeling. This doesn’t look like it’s leading me to a place where an IHOP would be. There are houses everywhere.
I almost hit a dead possum (thankfully I didn’t, and according to my GPS, I’m around the corner from the great IHOP.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE GPS TOOK ME? DO YOU? DO YOU????!!!!???
International House of Prayer Housing! A FUCKING HOUSING PLACE FOR THE IHOP PEOPLE! NOT PANCAKE HOUSE STAFF!! The people who pray at this Kansas based church thingy. I’m not going to call it a cult. But they have taken over the GPS systems. I want pancakes and they took me to their den of prayer. I’m just saying – that’ some cult shit right there!
Needless to say, by this point, I want to cry, scream, and punch someone in the throat. But I also want pancakes.
I waste another 14 minutes backtracking and then make the 20 minute journey to the REAL IHOP! I don’t even get pancakes. My son gets mac and cheese only to decide that he wants to eat pickles and only pickles.
We eat. I waste 20.00 I don’t really have to spare and we head home. So here I am. 4 hours after getting out of work. I’m tired, annoyed, and moody. My son is wide awake. I don’t work tomorrow.
I’m not leaving the house. I’m not answering the phone. I’m avoiding life at all costs. My son and I will be hibernating. Because I said so.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled program – already in progress.