Can’t sleep. Counting down the hours until mediation. Completely unsure how badly it’s going to go. Certain I have to keep composed no matter how irrational and rude the opposing party chooses to be. Perhaps indifferent, spouting off a ridiculous amount of lies, unwilling to compromise, audacious enough to request a single thing…probably a slew of things. Two hours with a puppet I can’t stand. A person I am disgusted by. A thing I loathe. Two hours that will most likely make me break down and cry the second I walk through the doors of my apartment. A day that will define where and when my future will begin.
I’m scared. Petrified. Worried. Concerned. Overwhelmed. Intimidated. Unsure.
It is needless to say but I’ll say it anyway. I love my son more than I love my own life. I cannot fathom my life without him and I wouldn’t want to. I feel at peace when he is with me and when I hear his voice, when I see him sleeping peacefully and when he is giggling up a storm. When he has sleepy eyes and when he’s pushing me to wake up. I love him more than anyone I have ever or will ever know.
The pessimist in me says tomorrow will be heartbreaking. The mother in me says that no matter what happens – I have to stay strong for my sweet angel. I will never stop fighting for him. I will never give him up. I will never walk away. I will never stop loving him with every ounce of my being.
I don’t know what level of evil and lies I will face tomorrow. I don’t know what schemes will be played but I know it’s coming. This is not paranoia. This is my current reality.
May my love for my son give me the strength to hear whatever is said in this meeting. And to keep my integrity despite the evil that men do.