2.44. A Night With The Muse

Have to be up at 6am to get ready for work. Reading in bed (How To Talk To A Widower by Jonathan Tropper) and I decided sleep just wasn’t for me tonight. Coffee brewing…here goes…

12:27am – Started this post. Smoking a cigarette and listening to Placebo – Running Up That Hill (GREAT SONG!!!!)

1:04am – Have to butcher, massacre, annihilate, slaughter, vaporize 68 pages of raw material, paragraphs, dialogue, ideas I have stored for almost 3 years in order to be ready for Camp NaNoWriMo in 8 days. Replaying Placebos Running Up That Hill because the song fits the mood of the piece so well thus far. Even quoted a few of the lyrics. Don’t know how that works but I think if the character is relating to them in a tense moment…I should include them. Sometimes music is the strongest dialogue for a situation. It will just have to work for right now. Back to it.

1:43am – Listening to Toxic by Cheesa. Just deleted (still saved in another file in case I regret that choice) 1,111 words. Recorded 458 new words to be used.  Don’t know how I feel about the new piece but would rather record it now than wait til the 1st (some rules must be bent if I’m going to get this thing done). Not feeling awesome about where Earth came from but it will just have to work for the moment until I can think of something better. Refuse to get stuck on a tiny detail. Have a bad habit of doing that and not finishing pieces so I’m just going to continue and worry about that during editing. Hope that’s the right decision. Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

1:52am – Oh shit…I need more coffee!!! Open Heart Surgery (Epic Love Song!!!)

2:12am – Did I mention I work a 10 hour shift today…this may not have been a smart decision but it does feel great to be writing right now. Johnny Cash – God Is Gonna Cut You Down 

2:14am – Angel Massive Attack

2:27am – Listening to Antichrist Superstar – Marilyn Manson. STILL love this entire Album. Dried Up, Tied and Dead To The World So far I have gotten past 97% of my road blocks pertaining to this piece. I am pretty sickly excited about it. On my second huge cup of coffee and sipping water between. I should probably eat at some point but don’t feel like moving from the computer. I know that I should leave all of the new material for the 1st but the whole point of me participating in Camp this year is to make this novel happen. If I say, “nope gotta wait” I’m standing in my own way again and I really refuse to do that. So screw it, I’m going to write and keep pushing myself and if the muse comes to me every damn day before Camp starts and every day after…I’m gonna write. Guilt free.

2:32am – Word Count of Deleted Material – 2,297 Words. Word Count of Kept/New Material – 2,851

2:55am – Eating Corn Chips…feeling a little tired but still going. Work in 4 hours – CAN’T SLEEP NOW! Mind as well make the most of my time.

3:07am – I am not an accomplished writer. I work 40 hours a week at a job. It is not my passion. It pays my bills. A huge part of my soul fights the day to day grind I live. My soul refuses to believe I was born to do this. To have a job and go through each day just living to work. Working to live. No passion behind it all. And I ask myself…what is the difference between me and someone accomplished. The thriving artist and the artist who touches the dream? My opinion…the time we spend on the craft. If I can spend 40 hours a week doing something I don’t love to pay my bills…why am I not spending 40 hours a week doing something I DO LOVE to make my dreams come true?

3:40am – Just got complicated and I don’t know if I fixed the jumble/overlap/contradiction/too many damn characters involved/whatever the hell just happened for things to make sense. In my outline, I wanted two characters to be responsible for something but in my original notes, I wanted two others to be responsible so I had to adjust and…like I said…don’t know if I did it successfully or if I just made a confusing hot mess but it’s almost 4am and I don’t feel like making my brain hurt or to discourage myself so I’m just going to say tis good for now and keep going…think I need more coffee…damn I should probably have slept…did I mention I have to work a 10 hour shift today. This day may just suck hardcore.

4:47am – Wish I didn’t have to go to work today. Not because I’m tired. Because I’d love to spend the next 10 hours writing.

4:59am – 3,216 deleted thus far in edits. Damn that’s major.

5:02am – Just got a text from one of my favorite people. Slacking and talking on the phone.

5:36am – Still on the phone…looks like the writing is over for the night.

6:14am – Getting ready for work. What a great night.

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