2.42. NaNoWriMo Is Almost Here

Camp NaNoWriMo is on its way and I’m determined to start and complete the challenge this summer. Last summer was a complete bust and I stopped before I really got started…though I don’t think my heart was ever really in that project. This year, I have made myself a few promises…all of which I intend to keep.

  1. Outline this project until I just can’t outline anymore.
  2. Brainstorm until it hurts.
  3. Write down all thoughts, big and small, that may come to mind during prep.
  4. Treat June like a pre-game.
  5. Read like a madwoman.
  6. Submerge myself in the writing community to the best of my ability.
  7. Read more blogs geared toward writers.
  8. Meet participants of NaNoWriMo
  9. Use this blog to write about the journey.
  10. Be honest about the journey.
  11. Start the damn project.
  12. Finish the damn project.
  13. Enjoy the ride.
  14. NO EDITING.

With that being said, if you read this and plan on participating, have a blog about writing, know a blog about writing, love a blog about writing…I ask that you comment and share a link to said blog. Leave your twitter/fb page/social media outlet so I may follow a fellow writer.

Many Thanks.

2.39. The Dying Writer

To say I have writers block is an understatement. Considering participating in JunoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo and my brain is mush. STUCK on the piece I finished for last years session…should I rewrite it? Should I start something new? Should I work on the one I didn’t complete? Are any of them good ideas? Why do they all somehow find the same lingering piece…too many branches off of one seed. Questioning if there is a point. If I will ever write something worth…something. Playing music, reading, sitting in silence…hoping for a muse. And finding nothing. No inspiration. Nothing that sparks a fire in my fingers to get out…anything.

This paragraph was a damn struggle.

1.173 – A Memory

She sat across from me. We were talking about God, yet again. It was sunny out. It was warm. The porch I had so often walked across was now an island; a place I could not escape. I would have run away but my belly was full…swelling with the unborn I carried.

She cried. Her faces wrinkling, her eyes turning red. She stared at me as she pulled a drag on her cigarette. He remained silent beside me, as he always did when she spoke – such a passive gentle giant…such a fool.

I didn’t need to ask because I already knew where this was going. She whimpered through her tears. “You’re going to hell,” she said. I put my hands across my belly as if I were protecting my unborn from the heinous accusations being thrust at me. She sobbed, explaining that my unborn would meet the same fate. Because I did not believe. Because I denounced her deity. Because I did not believe.

This is the memory that keeps me up this evening. I have tossed and turned, tried to think of different things, tried to muster the energy tio add just a sentence to my June CampNaNoWriMo project. I cant. Because I don’t have it in me. I chose a topic that is foreign to me beyond compare. I choice to write about God in fiction because I thought it would be good for me, interesting, thought provoking. But I have come to a realization. I just don’t care. I find peace in my life when I am proactive…when I am working and providing for my son. I am tired but I am happy.

I reflect on that moment when I foolishly looked to someone for enlightenment. To the time when I believed that someone could teach me how to find peace and clarity. To a time when I ignored the ugly moments and stood in shame quietly while I hoped for redemption. To the moment when I held my hands over the swell of my belly and said “I don’t believe that,” instead of a big “fuck you.”

Because that is what she deserved. That’s what anyone who believes an unborn child is damned to hell because of the fault/beliefs of their parents deserves. I am ashamed that I have wasted almost a decade of my life attempting to push myself into a mold to appease sketchy people and their convictions. I will not pen another sentence of this novel until I decide where I stand. Period. I will not compromise my feelings, thoughts, emotions, and convictions in the hopes that I will fit into something I do not understand. I will not sacrifice my sanity and stability for anything or anyone who will attempt to demean me in order to overpower me.

She said me and my baby were going to hell. What she failed to realize was…I was already there. The journey I am on right now is the road to help me get out of that hell. The hell she helped to create. The hell I will never return to. The hell my child will not be subjected to. Because I said so. Period.

1.168 – The All-Nighter

This post will follow me through my first all-night writing-fest for CampNaNoWriMo. Obviously, it will take me all night to write it but I thought it would be fun to share my thoughts as they happen. So here goes.

10:09pm – I know I will regret this choice in about 5 hours. I have to work at my new job from 7-noon and my old job from 12:30 to 5:30. I cannot even fathom how many cups of coffee I will consume in the next 24 hours. Why am I doing this? Well, besides the fact that CampNaNoWriMo starts in less than two hours…my son and I took a really late nap today. It’s not like I can just go to sleep and leave my son unattended. So as long as he’s up, I have to be up. By the time I get him down for the night, it may be after midnight and by then…sleep is just a lost cause. I’m also one of those people that hits snooze in my deepest of sleep until I have surpassed the time I was supposed to get up, which I cannot risk since I have to do five hours of computer training starting at the crack of fucking dawn. I’m already grumpy about this. But here’s hoping that my mind will be distracted as of midnight. Time to save draft. I’ll be checking in soon, kbye.

11:08pm – Went on a coffee run, yay for Starbucks double-shots in a can. Less than an hour until CampNaNoWriMo starts. Wondering how many words I can get in before my eyes go cross. Save Draft.

12:03am – AND GO! Save draft.

12:21am – Just realized my main character (MC) has no fucking name! Seriously. In outlining, I apparently left that thought out. Dumbass. Save Draft.

12:41am – 681 words down…a lot to go. Smoke Break! Save draft.

1:26am – Moving right along. Surprised my Twitter has very little discussion of CampNaNoWrimo on it. I really need to connect with more writers. Using strikethrough instead of deleting the nonsense on the page. I find that there are always hidden gems in the crap. Yes, my shit has gold in it. HAH. Listening to KRS-One. About 4 hours until I have to start getting ready for work. Need to refill my coffee. May consider another smoke break. Save Draft.

2:06am – My son refuses to sleep so I am bribing him with an episode of Blues Clues so he will sit still. That’s what I get for taking a really late nap. My cabin mates, a group of people you are assigned to for CampNaNoWriMo (kinda like a forum) don’t talk and one has already left. Beautiful. Think I might just drop the whole cabin participation because I hate being disappointed that I am the only person who bothered to say hello. Damn kids. Stumbled upon people tweeting about JuNoWriMo, which is apparently not the same as CampNaNoWriMo. I’m not about to start looking into that now since I can barely keep track of where I’m at right now. Someone better read this shit since I’m sharing, by the way, lol. A little shocked to not find as many people willing to talk about their journey and ideas. Damn you tweeters, stop writing and say something. HAH. Okay, back to the grind. Save Draft.

2:26am – Sleep just slapped me in the face and I came back with coffee and booty-shaking music. Yeah sleep, screw your face.

2:36am – These poptarts taste like shit! WTF!

2:50am – BITCHFEST ALERT: Feel free to deem me a miserable person based on this one part of this post: I am in the middle of my writing sprint and I get a random IM on Facebook from someone I really don’t even talk to who continuously plugs his sorry ass attempts at tattooing. At 2:50 in the fucking morning, you want to IM me and ask me if I need ink…WTF makes you think I would let you remotely touch my body and put something permanent on me? I get it, you’re learning. NOT ON ME, you’re not. Keep that shit moving, I don’t care how cheap it is. In tattooing, you get what you pay for and I’m willing to pay up for good ink. Period.

4:28am – The sprint rages on.

4:56am – I’ve hit a wall and somehow got preoccupied with So You Think You Can Dance videos on Youtube. Happy I’m at 2234 words. Wish I didn’t have to start getting ready for work in thirty minutes.

5:39am – Regretfully, I have to stop writing for now. Time to get ready for Job 1 for the day. Need to pick up a cup of coffee on my way in. Then job #2 at 12:30pm. Should be home around 6pm and then it’s a chill weekend with my son. Will probably spend tonight in a coma. Word Count thus far is 2910 so I technically don’t have to write again until tomorrow. We shall see.

If anyone reads this and chooses to comment, is the timeline of the process interesting or too chaotic/boring? I’ve enjoyed writing it, feels like I have a friend to talk to through the process but not sure if it’s worth reading. Hit me up, honesty counts for something.

Much Love, Sky.

1.161 – Here We Go Again

Seems like it’s that time again. No, it’s not November and yet I’m prepping for another go at NaNoWriMo. Apparently, the summer time has become another opportunity for writers to get their work on the page via CampNaNoWriMo.

I participated in the November 2011 challenge and finished the month with a little over 56K. I’ve considered editing the piece I worked on, Dream Catcher, in the months that followed…to no avail. I thought I would do a rewrite but that idea went out the window as well.

Nonetheless, I’m sitting here with my notebook, scribbling down ideas. Funny thing is, the idea I feel strongest about is the one that focuses on religion. Yep, I said it. Religion. I think it’s an interesting concept and one I’ve personally never seen done before though I’m sure someone has covered it in some book I’ve never read. It’s coming from my perspective so…yeah.

June 1st is the start date, although there is a second round of participation starting August 1 – think I can write two books this summer? We shall see.

Either way, I’m excited. I feel like I got a lot done in the month of November and felt most proud as a writer…even though no one has read Dream Catcher and I’m hating it to the point of not ever wanting to edit it and thrusting it in the trash. BUT just getting my work on the page is a huge breakthrough for me. So I’m willing to have a go at it again.

No expectations. Just words. May The Muse remain close.