2.42. NaNoWriMo Is Almost Here

Camp NaNoWriMo is on its way and I’m determined to start and complete the challenge this summer. Last summer was a complete bust and I stopped before I really got started…though I don’t think my heart was ever really in that project. This year, I have made myself a few promises…all of which I intend to keep.

  1. Outline this project until I just can’t outline anymore.
  2. Brainstorm until it hurts.
  3. Write down all thoughts, big and small, that may come to mind during prep.
  4. Treat June like a pre-game.
  5. Read like a madwoman.
  6. Submerge myself in the writing community to the best of my ability.
  7. Read more blogs geared toward writers.
  8. Meet participants of NaNoWriMo
  9. Use this blog to write about the journey.
  10. Be honest about the journey.
  11. Start the damn project.
  12. Finish the damn project.
  13. Enjoy the ride.
  14. NO EDITING.

With that being said, if you read this and plan on participating, have a blog about writing, know a blog about writing, love a blog about writing…I ask that you comment and share a link to said blog. Leave your twitter/fb page/social media outlet so I may follow a fellow writer.

Many Thanks.

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2.23. Random Guy (A Convo via Facebook)

The following is an actual conversation that has recently occurred via Facebook. Anyone that knows me knows that I do not collect friends on Facebook. All of my friends are people I’ve personally met over the years, a rare set of gamers, and some artistic contacts. I’ve met a lot of people in my life so I don’t have a problem accepting an add. But if I come to find out that I don’t, in fact, know this person in any way…I delete.

I’ve had a multitude of experiences in which someone claims to know a family member or friend of mine and inevitably attempts to extract information or deliver sexual advances. Either way, I’m not interested and so I stay on guard when randoms appear. Call me a bitch for this convo, call me rude. I am protective of my world and those I allow in it. I will never apologize for that. Now, without further ado…

Random Guy

Hello  how are? I’m ***** and you are? (My FB has my name on it. Asking who I am is asinine). 

Me

You don’t know who I am but you sent me an add on fb?
Random Guy
Nope I don’t kno you, but I was hoping I could get to kno you I mean that is the point of FB right? Loll to stay in touch wit who you kno and to network and meet wit the ppl you don’t .. not bein a smart ass just bein Real think about it every friend you have today started off as a stranger at some point or another .. now wit that bein said I don’t wanna waste yo time or be thirsty I just simply want to kno you  I apologize got the kinda lengthy message (I hate people who cannot spell a word as simple as k.n.o.w. Seriously, it’s four letters. He doesn’t want to waste my time or be thirsty…we shall see.)
Me
Everyone I have on my facebook, I’ve met in person before friending them on this social network. Not to be a smart ass. I don’t use fb as a dating site.
Random Guy
Loll who said anything about dating you? ok so I’m not someone u met in person but that don’t mean I’m not someone you could meet .. I’m dye the amount of thirst you receive from dudes on here is annoying asf and I don’t wanna be part of that group loll I just seen someone I found interesting and instead of judging as book by it’s cover I decided to add you and introduce myself as I would in person (He found me interesting…really? Based on a picture, I’m interesting. Honesty, people, try it some time). 
Me
Okay, nice. Thanks. (This is me, not being interesting or interested). 
Random Guy
Wuss the worst that can happen , I turn out to be cooler than you expect and we actually have a friendship? Would u at least like to kno what I’m about I’m not like everyone else .. (Doesn’t get the hint. Thirsty much)?
Me
What response are you wanting cuz to be honest, now the long ass tirades are just annoying. (My version of honesty). 
Random Guy
I apologize for the long messages, just wanted you to get to kno me before u count me out not looking for any response So can u just have a conversation wit me and see where it goes? (Do people try this hard for a new “friendship?” Damn). 
Me
Nowhere right now. I’m going to bed.
Random Guy
Goodnight ..

Today

Random Guy

Goodmornin  .. how are you today?
Me
good (Still not interested). 
Random Guy
What u got up for today?
Me
relaxing at home. (I.E Noneyadamnbusiness.com). 
Random Guy
Yeah I feel you I’m of work today so I’ll prolly finish my song I been working on hopefully they don’t call me into the office loll how’s your Lil Mann? (This was clever in dropping the music/my career info. But I don’t care. A guy asking how my son is, a guy I don’t know from Adam…officially is in the ‘ya gone’ category. Guys think this will make a woman swoon or become more talkative. What it really says is, “you think my son is bait”). 
Me
He’s fine.
Random Guy
So tell me a bit about you? (Reminder: he added me. Why am I filling out the questionnaire? I don’t even feel like talking). 
Me
My fb says it all. (Leave me alone!!!!)
Random Guy
I wanted you to tell me instead of snooping all they to page (Did that sentence make sense? No, not really). 
Me
This is not intriguing to me by any means. How is it exactly that you found my page? (We have two mutual friends, I’ve already checked. They are both females I went to college with). 
Random Guy
Yo page popped up you seemed cool so I added you .. I ain’t tryna holla at you if you let yo guard down you would see that I’m just a cool cat tryna get to kno u (Tryna is not a fucking word! I just want to put that out there). 
Me
My page popped up? Right. See, when I dont trust someone because its obvious they are full of shit on their intentions, then I keep my guard up. How about you just hit delete and scope out someone else. (I.E You are coming off so damn thirsty right now and it’s seriously unbecoming). 
Random Guy
Actually yes yo page popped up in the ppl you may kno suggestion box .. I added you .. you ont kno shit about me to tell me I’m full of anything .. yeah you cute but you not all that to just be rude to someone like that my intentions were as stated previously now whether you believe that is not my problem but gettin wit you is and was not My intentions at all like I said to be friend someone you have to meet them first but you have a nice day Ms. ***** (He sounds mad that our friendship is over. I feel bad. Oh wait, I don’t. Why is me being cute relevant? Why is it an assumption that I think I’m all that because I don’t want to get to know this random guy who can’t speak properly? I’m crying on the inside from his painful words against me…)
Me
Who claimed to be all that? I dont want to know you. Period. Get over it.
If me saying I’m not interested in getting to know someone makes me a rude bitch…then a rude bitch is what I shall be. With joy and glee in my cold, black, dead little heart.
Wah wah wah, cry me a river.

1.191 – Here’s A Theory

People are so dependent on social media outlets; Facebook and Twitter, that they have truly forgotten what it means to keep bonds strong. What were people doing before Facebook became the sole proclamation of relationships? Did anyone ever pick up a phone, write a letter, send a card, make an in-person visit? I’m beginning to think such a time is just fantasy. A distant memory that might just be a fabrication.

I’ve recently made the decision to clean my friends list. After deleting fifty people I barely knew, barely spoke to in person…I realized my list could still be cut in half. If not more.

There are only four reason you add and keep someone on your friends list:

  1. You love, like, genuinely care about their life and happiness.
  2. Business.
  3. You want to keep tabs on someone.
  4. You want an audience to broadcast your “greatness” to.

Out of the 200 people left on my list, I’d be sad if I lost touch with 22 of them. I don’t do business with anyone. I’m certain at least 5 people remain friends with me to keep tabs and I don’t need an audience to the greatness of my life. The sole greatness of my world is my son and the people who love him keep strong bonds with him 100% outside of social media since my son is too young to acknowledge or appreciate the internet.

We’re in a world where superficial friendships are accepted, even encouraged. I was caught up in that ideology. Bigger is better, more has meaning. It doesn’t.  I’m on the path of quality over quantity and I’m uninterested in popularity.

I want sincerity. 

22. What’s your number?

1.190 – Quality vs. Quantity

“If you can’t handle me at my worst…

…You don’t deserve me at my best”

The clouds have rolled in and the storm is set to begin. The forecast is calling for guaranteed thunder, lightening, tornadoes, tsunami’s, and typhoons. The damage will probably be irreparable and the casualties of family bonds and friendships will be countless.

Fair-Weather Friend: A friend who is only a friend when circumstances are pleasant or profitable.

Fair-Weather Family: Someone who is family or acts like family when it’s easy for them to be, them change on you when it’s through thick and thin.

I could cry over what I feel my son and I have lost. Instead, I want to really focus on the people who HAVE been invested in the calm before the storm, the upcoming mayhem, and the potential rebuild that awaits.

 I want to say thank you to the friends and family who don’t depend on Facebook to be real friends and real family. The people who call to ask how Hunter is doing. The people who have set aside time in their busy lives to reach out and stay in touch. The people who have reached out more so when the clouds have set in INSTEAD of playing the vanishing act. The people who don’t just say “I love you,” “I care about you,” “I hope to see you soon,” but actually show that as fact.

I want to say thank you to the people who believe in me as a person. The people who don’t focus on my past and every mistake that I’ve ever made in my entire life. The people who appreciate me for the person I am striving to be. The people who have taken the genuine time to see beyond the hype. The people who have supported me as a dreamer and have motivated me to be a doer.

I want to say thank you to the people who have shown my son UNCONDITIONAL love. The people who have PROVEN that they love my son. The people who do not allow trivial adult nonsense to prevent them from reaching out and engaging with my son. The people who have opened their hearts, homes, and ears to my son. The people who have put forth effort to include my son in the happiness of their own lives.

I want to thank the people who have not shunned my son for the simple fact that he came out of my vagina. The people who do not put my son so far out of sight that he will inevitably end up out of mind.

In April 2012, my son and I enjoyed an amazing trip to Disney. It was the most wonderful trip of my life. Watching my son show such excitement to see all of his favorite characters, to play with his cousins, to laugh hysterically…it was magic. But the moment that stuck with me the most was seeing my sixteen year old nephew sit on the balcony and watch his brother and my son play. My nephew reached out to me and gave me a hug. He refused to let go. He cried. He held me tight and let the tears flow. He cannot speak. He has Cerebral Palsy and has never been able to say “I love you, titi.” But he told me. In that moment. Just as clearly as my son tells his tia that he loves her every time she calls.

These children are beating the adults. They are the real inspiration. The real conveyors of what it means to love unconditionally.

Thank you to those who have given me strength and hope. We’ve done the good. We’ve done the bad. The ugly is on its way. We may not have the masses supporting us but what we’ve got is real and will be there long after the storm passes.

1.181 – Priorities (Twi-Hards Are MORONS)!

Okay, so I’m laying in bed, getting ready to go to sleep, and I’m flipping through my Pulse buzz feed on my Nook Tablet. It’s my nightly ritual to stay up to date on the world and what’s happening in it.

Wow, Skylah, that sounds pretty gosh darn exciting. So why the hell aren’t you in bed? Why are you sitting in front of your PC at 2am instead of sleeping?

Pipe the fuck down and I’ll tell you. FYI: this is a rant and I’m going to be a real bitch in about .5 seconds.

WHY THE FUCK is my news feed filled with articles and youtube videos about Kristen fucking Stewart? Kristen puts out a public apology after confirming that she has, in fact, cheated on Robert Pattinson with the director of Snow White and The Huntsman – Rupert Sanders.

This is where I take a breath and rub my head…because I just don’t understand. You’ve got these damn “Twi-Hards” going ballistic on their tumblr, twitter, Facebook accounts…having meltdowns for poor Robert, for poor Kristen…because it all had to be photoshopped…these people are losing their minds over this garbage.

And that’s when I got my ass out of bed. Because I’ve about had enough. Seriously.

Here are the facts:

Kristen Stewart is a cheater.

Rupert Sanders has a wife and kids that he has now screwed over for someone 19 years his junior.

Robert Pattinson must be heartbroken and humiliated.

Do I give a shit? NO!

Do you know why I don’t give a flying fuck?

Because these morons who feel so fucking moved over this absolute nonsense have no sense of reality or of what matters in the world. Did these people get angry, shed a tear, record a response video to the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado? Do any of them know the name of the six year old little girl who died at the hands of a complete sociopath?

We live in a society that cares more about celebrity scandal than the value of a human life. We live in a society where a girl is raped and told BY THE COURTS to keep her mouth shut. A society that will spend more coverage on an actress…that can’t fucking act…giving the pussy liquor to her director. We live in a society that will cry for Robert Pattinson and his potentially wounded heart over the truest heroes of our time – the people who sacrificed their lives for loved ones in a movie theater as it was shot up by some idiot who will probably get off because he is white and well educated – no doubt under an insanity plea.

James Holmes asked how the Batman movie ended. You idiots are asking what will happen to “Robsten.” You’re priorities are all sorts of fucked up and in my eyes…you are one and the same. As a society, we have failed; created killers and morons alike. I’m disgusted and finished. Now, I’m taking my angry ass to bed.

BTW, her name was Veronica Moser-Sullivan.

Dear “Twi-Hards” – Fuck you and goodnight.

RIP. I cry for YOU. – Jonathan T. Blunk, Alexander C. Teves, Jesse Childress, Gordon W. Cowden, Matt McQuinn, Alex Sullivan, Rebecca Ann Wingo, Alexander J. Boik, Micayla Medek, John Larimer, Jessica Ghawi, Veronica Moser-Sullivan.

1.119 – Throwing That Middle Finger In The Air

Warning: This is a rant. I curse a lot. If you can’t deal – keep it moving. 

Oh no, there she goes posting another status update

Oh no, there goes another five pictures of nothing

Oh no, there goes another countdown.

Here’s the thing. Do I bitch every time you’re latest 15 updates are of fucking farmville games and redundant hokey quotes? Do I say one damned word when you post some lengthy spam – pass this shit on because you should be as bored as I am – nonsense? Do I make a peep when you go wah wah wah he doesn’t like me oh wait I’m “in a relationship” every two days?

NO, NO I DO NOT.

Do you know why I don’t?

Because your social media outlet is just that – YOURS. And if I don’t want to see it –  I WILL DELETE YOU. So do me the fucking favor – DELETE ME!

I’m sick of fake ass people who send adds because we knew eachother way back when but you don’t have the decency to answer my simply put fucking question. Bitch, I know you saw what I asked. Don’t play stupid. I’m sick of people who try to make me feel silly for counting down to MY WELL EARNED VACATION. The last time I got on a fucking plane, it was to go get my dad cremated. So if you don’t like the fact that this bittersweet vacation is exciting to me and it’s all I want to talk about because all I want is to go home to be closer to my family and a life and culture I love and miss with all of my heart but I can’t because I’m trying to be a good mother so I stay in this shit-box called Kansas so my son has his father – well, I’ve got two words for you. PISS. OFF.

I’m so over people who consider me rude and in the next act consider me too sensitive. Fuck off. I will be a rowdy ass when you cross me. When you come at me wrong. When you try playing with me like I’m just another person to laugh at. Here’s the thing…I am not your punching bag, your punchline, your form of amusement.

If you don’t like how I talk, think, act, walk, dress, etc etc etc etc…KBYE.

I will post 50 pictures of my son in the same damned pose…BECAUSE I CAN.

I will post everything that excites me, scares me, worries me and motivates me…BECAUSE I CAN.

I will not play your game. I will not be who you want me to be. I don’t need your approval. And quite frankly, I DON’T WANT IT.

I’ve said my piece. You want silence. You got it. Be careful what you wish for.

1.99 – Do You Have FAFS?

FAFS, also known as Fake Ass Friend Syndrome, is a debilitating condition, which can wreak havoc in every aspect of your life. However, this condition is treatable. In order to solve your problem, you must first identify your symptoms.

You have Fake Ass Friend Syndrome if:

  • You always says “I’m going to call you back,” and never do because you’re watching television, playing online games, filing your nails, watching Youtube videos, updating your Facebook status.
  • You drop off the face of the earth when your friend has a major illness, new birth, death in the family, major accomplishment.
  • You repeatedly schedule times to schedule a time to meet up with your friend but never successfully schedule a scheduled time.
  • You don’t show up to a friends baby shower/birthday/major event but post updates from a bar via Facebook or Twitter.
  • You apologize for your lack of friendship – only to repeat your asshole behavior.
  • You use other friends as an excuse as to why you’re a bad friend.
  • You bring up the length of time you’ve known  a person when confronted with your FAFS symptoms.
  • You only call your friends when you need money.
  • You only call your friends when things are bad.
  • You ask strangers “will you be my friend?”
  • You show new friends your bank statements.
  • You distance yourself from your friend when you’re around a potentially cooler crowd.
  • You continuously degrade one mutual ex-friend so you never look as bad.
  • You consider the friendship over every single time your friend doesn’t agree with you.
  • You refer to your friend as your fat friend, the skinny bitch, the dark one, the pasty chick.
  • You put forth zero effort but expect to be BFF’s.

If you or someone you know is suffering from FAFS, please get help. If it’s you – lock yourself in a room and throw away the key. Don’t ever come out – because you suck balls. Big hairy, saggy balls. This will help everyone you’ve annoyed. You cant be annoying if you’re out of sight – out of mind.  If it’s a friend – run! RUN FOR THE HILLS. You might think this is abandonment. It’s not. Those who suffer from FAFS must hit rock bottom in order to realize just how crappy they are acting. The only way to really do that is to sit in a room and have that moment when they realize…I’m alone.

FAFS sucks. Period.

1.95 – FTN…Just Because

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a genuine FTN post. I’ve slipped away from the FTN mantra far too much. It seemed like the right thing to do – trying to be all soft and shit, vulnerable, likable. I’m not sure how I feel about the results. In turn, I’m thinking my soft side…laughable…and my FTN mentality have to get hitched so I can be the best of both worlds…for my own world. And now, onto the FTN moments.

  • The above paragraph. That was just stupid. But I’m sharing it anyway. FTN!
  • People who don’t keep their end of a bargain. If I’ve done my part, you might want to do yours before this smiley happy chick takes her smiley happy ass on a smiley happy walk. FTN!
  • People who say, “I have to call you back, the game is on,” when you are both discussing a serious topic. It wasn’t that serious for you, now was it? Remind me to not answer when you decide you have the time to call back. Hope your team loses. FTN!
  • People who make dumb fucking comments when you say something 100% serious. I’m happy that my misery can bring joy to your corrupted little heart. I’m also wishing you a slow and miserable death entailing a corkscrew, your nubby manhood and a very dark alley. FTN!
  • People who tote gay guys around like they are handbags. THEY ARE NOT ACCESSORIES! They are people! What is your major malfunction? FTN!
  • Anti-religious people who go up to religious people and say stupid shit like this: “I’m sorry.” “Why are you sorry?” “Because you love Jesus.” You’re just a complete jackass. I’m so not religious, so anti-organized religion and even I wouldn’t say some dumb shit like that. You are the reason people off faith have a panic attack every time someone of little/no faith walks into a room. I hate your face. FTN!
  • People who put shit like this on their Facebook: “I’m so tired of doing so much for other people and no one does for me.” Um…did you forget all of the money people lent you to help you out and you have yet to pay ANYONE back? Got to love that selective memory. FTN!
  • People who get snippy with me when I have no control over a situation. I’m asked to go left. Don’t be mad that I’m not going right. Be mad at someone else. But you might want to keep that attitude to your damned self. I’m not saying…I”m just saying. FTN!
  • Cable company jerks who keep me on hold for 20 minutes because I want to cancel a service. You think because you put me on hold that long, I’m going to hang up and keep the service? NOPE. I’m going to put you on speaker, wash my dishes, feed my son and pick up just in time to tell you I think your service is crappy. Aint no patience like a single mommy trying to save money, Boo. FTN!
  • Snow. I don’t even need to explain this one. It’s not even here yet but I hate snow the way I hate getting stabbed in the face with an ice pick. Me no likey! FTN!

1.92 – The Miserable Artist

I saw this image on cartoonist Tom Beland’s Facebook page. This man is an amazing cartoonist, by the way, and his work is hysterical and compelling. 

I’m guilty of doing all ten. Not one or two but all of them. How terribly sad.

1.88 – No More Casualties

Dear Hunter,

I knew, when I carried you in my belly, that this life would be a hard one for you to live. It’s becoming harder and harder for people much younger and younger. Today, mommy read something about a young girl who ended her life because people were mean to her and she felt alone. Which is why I’m writing this letter to you, one of the hundreds I will write over the years.

That young lady took her life, in mommy’s opinion, for many reasons. People were not nice to her. She felt alone. Her parents missed the mark. I know I will mess up as a mother. I will fail you and in turn, you will make mistakes I should have prepared you better for. But I’m going to try my hardest to make those failures as few and far in between as humanly possible.

Baloo Bear, you’re not always going to like me. I’m not going to play the part of one of your “buddies.” It is my honor, duty and privilege to be your mother, your soldier, your advocate, your confidant. After all of that, I am your friend. But never before and never in its place. I cannot and will not give you everything you want.

I will do my best to teach you how to defend yourself with your words and physically, because sometimes, you might have to defend yourself against the ugliness of peoples hearts. I will do my best to teach you to be kind to others, to base your reactions on actions versus assumptions. I will do my best to teach you that you are loved no matter if you are straight, gay, artistic, non-artistic, soft spoken or loud as all hell. I will do my best to give you what is lacking in this world right now.

I will push you to be your best. I will be nosy. I will ask you where you are going and with whom. I will probably drive by to check. I will not let you have a computer in your room. You will not have a cell phone unless you can foot the bill. You will buy your first car which will probably be a piece of shit. And you will value it that much more because you will have earned it. I will remove your door if need be. I will not get you the newest whatever when you already have things JUST BECAUSE your friends got the new junk. I will encourage you to be yourself despite the crowd. I will nurture your passions to the best of my ability.

I will remember that I was a kid once. That I was self-conscious of my apparent poverty, of my looks, my thoughts, my feelings. I will remember that I wanted my independence but I also wanted to know my parents cared. I will remember that I thought I knew it all at a very early age. I was wrong about a lot. But I still believed. And it took lessons learned to show me otherwise.

I will live my life and let you live yours, under my guidance and helping hand. I will let you stand alone to be the best damn man you can possibly be.

I will emphasize education, articulation, respect for yourself, for women, for elders, for animals, for this earth, for children. I will teach you that respect 9 times out of 10 MUST be earned. I will emphasize that you only get ONE life.

I love you, Hunter Daniel, to no end. I will fight the good fight for you, beside you. You will resent me, hate me, call me mean and evil. I hope, someday, you know – I will do what I can to give you something better. I don’t need you to think I’m cool. I need you to respect me. To appreciate the message I hope to spread.

I will lay down my life for you, if thats what it takes.

I will not, and I repeat, will not bury you.

Love, Mommy.

This letter is for my son. This letter is for every child I have never met. It takes a village to raise a child. Our village, this country, is failing as our children become bullies and victims. We fight terrorism around the world. Our neglect as parents is the true terrorism. I fight for the end of the casualties.