FAFS, also known as Fake Ass Friend Syndrome, is a debilitating condition, which can wreak havoc in every aspect of your life. However, this condition is treatable. In order to solve your problem, you must first identify your symptoms.
You have Fake Ass Friend Syndrome if:
- You always says “I’m going to call you back,” and never do because you’re watching television, playing online games, filing your nails, watching Youtube videos, updating your Facebook status.
- You drop off the face of the earth when your friend has a major illness, new birth, death in the family, major accomplishment.
- You repeatedly schedule times to schedule a time to meet up with your friend but never successfully schedule a scheduled time.
- You don’t show up to a friends baby shower/birthday/major event but post updates from a bar via Facebook or Twitter.
- You apologize for your lack of friendship – only to repeat your asshole behavior.
- You use other friends as an excuse as to why you’re a bad friend.
- You bring up the length of time you’ve known a person when confronted with your FAFS symptoms.
- You only call your friends when you need money.
- You only call your friends when things are bad.
- You ask strangers “will you be my friend?”
- You show new friends your bank statements.
- You distance yourself from your friend when you’re around a potentially cooler crowd.
- You continuously degrade one mutual ex-friend so you never look as bad.
- You consider the friendship over every single time your friend doesn’t agree with you.
- You refer to your friend as your fat friend, the skinny bitch, the dark one, the pasty chick.
- You put forth zero effort but expect to be BFF’s.
If you or someone you know is suffering from FAFS, please get help. If it’s you – lock yourself in a room and throw away the key. Don’t ever come out – because you suck balls. Big hairy, saggy balls. This will help everyone you’ve annoyed. You cant be annoying if you’re out of sight – out of mind. If it’s a friend – run! RUN FOR THE HILLS. You might think this is abandonment. It’s not. Those who suffer from FAFS must hit rock bottom in order to realize just how crappy they are acting. The only way to really do that is to sit in a room and have that moment when they realize…I’m alone.
FAFS sucks. Period.