2.12. Tis The Season…To Be Enlightened

Most people consider this time of year to be a religious time. I’m not one of those people. No disrespect or disregard to anyone for their particular beliefs. As the mother of a young child, I view this time of year as a cultural celebration. My son may have a best friend who celebrates something different than him. He may love someone who doesn’t celebrate at all. Either way, he will be enlightened to show respect above all else.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Three Kings Day, or some other unknown cultural celebration – this is your time to do so with pride and joy in your heart.

Christmas December 25

Hanukkah December 8-16

Kwanzaa December 26-January1

Three Kings Day January 6

I look forward to enlightening my son about the different meanings and celebrations surrounding this time of year. To have him be enlightened, respectful of others beliefs, and appreciative of what may matter to others. This season is not about materialistic possessions, money, or self-righteousness. This time is about the love of family, the desire to bring a smile to others faces, the sharing of stories, of food, of life, of laughter, of love.

If you say Merry Christmas to me, I will repeat the same. If you say Happy Kwanzaa, I’ll chime right on in. If you say Feliz Navidad, I want a hippopotamus for Christmas or hey F your face – you’ll get it back just the same. I’ll give you the same respect you give me…or disrespect if that’s how you want to roll this holiday. I’ll not say that one celebration is right or more relevant than another. Culture, not religion, is what allows our differences to shine. Allows us to meld and merge, co-exist and flourish as a unified display of individuality.

So enjoy the season for what it is…to you. But be mindful, the house next door might be celebrating something a little bit different. And that’s just beautiful.



2.11. YTT

December 9, 2010.

4 missed calls. And then there was an answer. And her voice was shaky. The tears came. And I knew.

My best friend. My confidant. My puzzle piece.

He woke up and told the people in the room that he couldn’t open his eyes. And they knew he was close to the end. Because his eyes were open. He had gone blind through the night. His religious aunts called for the priest and they gave him his last rights…something I know he would find funny since he was an atheist. He spoke, his thick Italian accent flowing in his home language. He showed gratitude for his sister, forgiveness for his brother, and a message for two people so close to his heart.

A message that is mine to savor.

I can’t explain to small minds how a friendship can be so genuine, so pure, so beautiful, so intense, and so everlasting. How love can become synonymous with friend and the heart can care so deeply.

I was lucky enough to know someone who understood me, didn’t want to change me, listened, was proud of me, encouraged me, pushed me, inspired me, and taught me to never settle. I was lucky to know this person and hear words of wisdom, humor, and truth. My truth. Our truth.

It’s been two long years since that magical man left this earth. And the pessimist in me would say, “well, it’s just my luck that someone who knew me so well would be forced to leave me behind.” But the optimist in me will say that I will see him again. When it is my time to leave this earth, I will join him amongst the stars.

Because this earth wasn’t strong enough to support the bond that we had. The friendship, laughter, and love only we knew.

I miss you, Nico. I thank you for the lessons you have taught me. Someday, I will find you again. Until then, you are always in my heart.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow.

1.136 – He Lives On Paper

I’ll write him into life – I’ve said so before

Since nothing I see is picturesque.

He’ll have the swagger of ten thousand kings

Compacted into a bravado of tenderness.

He will be my juxtaposition, somewhere left of a Viking and write like a poet.

Integrity matched only by compassion

His voice will be like thunder, his words…like rain.

I’ll be his Nefertiti

Fed and drowned in the flow of his fruits

And he’ll be everywhere, in the eyes of everyman.

His presence will command attention

Strong hands but soft to the touch

His body will spit poetry with every stride he takes

And his feet will create symphonies over concrete.

He’ll be my Shakespeare – inspiring me to make up words

Cuz what I want to say about him doesn’t even have a definition yet.

His skin will be tanned, pale, and dark semi-sweet chocolate, yellow, olive, and red like fire.

Piercing eyes will scale the rainbow and make Crayola get to work on new names and new shades.

He’ll be all about art and beauty and he’ll climb a mountain to get just the right shadow effect over my lips.

He’ll wrap the towel around his waist and let the rest of his body air dry – because he’s that giving.

He’ll find reasons to smile even when the downpour turns to hail.

And all the while, he’ll walk on the outside.

My 21st century knight. He’ll swivel me like a red and chill me like a white, drink me like I’m some rare type and admire how I age.

And with each passing moment, he’ll tattoo my heart with love and love and love and love…

He’ll lick the rain from my fingertips and splash in puddles because clean is never good enough

And he’ll step into a shower with his clothes on, giving me a reason to peel them away.

He’ll be kind to those struggling and drop a ten into a poor mans cup when he could have opted for change.

He’ll know the flavor of soda that reminds me of my father and the one good memory I have of my mother.

He’ll know the name of the one who didn’t make it and who Joshua was.

He’ll listen when it matters and even when it doesn’t.

My heating blanket in a night of cold sweats…my personal lullaby.

He’ll get why unicorns make me cry and why clowns are not just some childhood phobia.

Dressed to impress but not some label whore

And he’ll give me his earring like in The Breakfast Club except there won’t be any breast to lip liner action.

He’ll jam out when the old school shit comes on, never letting fear hold him back from a laugh.

We’ll dance when our song plays and I’ll giggle when he says, “you tell anyone about this and I’ll…”

The life of the party without drowning in a pool of people

He’ll shine even when it’s dark in a room.

The scars on his body will tell stories words cannot dictate.

He’ll know how many beauty marks I have by heart and be able to draw my birth mark from memory

Because he pays attention to more than tits and ass.

He’ll teach me something and feed a hunger I never knew existed.

He’ll wow me over a seven course meal he attempted and failed at

Better yet, he’ll order out and try to pass it off like he’s a master chef.

He’ll search for a signed copy of my favorite book And know the significance of the fire escape and those cookies…My king, my love, I have yet to write you into life, to inject the first signs of air into breathless lungs.

But I will…And he will leave me wanting more

Eager to know his favorites, his dislikes, his aspirations

And how many times he changed his career as a six year old, coloring outside of the lines.

I’ll set my alarm because I want to be awake at 2:37am on a Thursday morning just so I know that face he makes when he’s dreaming. Wanting the lights on always, so I can bask in it.

Wanting the lights off always, so I can see him solely with my fingertips. I’ll try to memorize the thesaurus so I know thirteen different ways to say “happy””

And then I’ll add on seven more. I’ll wanna scream because he makes me laugh so hard I can’t ever stay mad

And I’ll melt like butter because he sent flowers again with those four words that shatter anyone else’s sad dozen red roses with a cookie cutter “I Love You.”

Lost somewhere between wanting to keep my eyes open while we kiss so I can watch heaven or close them and go there

We’ll stare at a painting and look at it from every angle until closing time and walk out of there saying…”I don’t get it,”

Ask “what do you think,” and care if I answer.

Until he exists, I’ll write him into life

And inject air into breathless lungs.

And when we cross paths

He’ll know my words to be true…

“I loved you before I knew you.”

1.100 – One Hundred Kisses

Following my muse has worked out pretty well so far. I can’t see any reason to change the formula now.
Chris Van Allsburg
I have always believed that good conversation was a chess game, good sex was like a dance and everything in this life is a muse. To kiss the muse is to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly as divine inspiration. To celebrate 100 posts, I happily share with you a list created from the contributions of a very diverse group of people. 100 faces, 100 souls, 100 lives worth living. 100 reasons, 100 muses, 100 kisses. You will never decipher which is the single mom, the accomplished writer, the veteran, the big wig, the straight, the gay, the poor, the rich, the lone wolves. The muse touches all walks of life, with a delicate brush of pure lips to the heart – setting ideas and thoughts aflame. Seedlings growing from nothing into that which forces our world to move.
…There was a hiccup. Only 18 of the almost 125 people I messaged for input responded. I could be discouraged and say…I can’t complete the 100 kisses without help…but it’s the new year and a new mentality – nothing is going to stop me.
Without further ado, 100 kisses.
From me to you.
  1. The first time
  2. A beautiful woman
  3. Volunteering and selfless donations
  4. Music inspires me to be present in a community of sounds all speaking a piece of a whole truth.
  5. Learning from my past and not repeating the same mistakes and always trying my best in any situation.
  6. The fact that I’m a sinner, but was saved by grace. I’m constantly humbled by that fact.
  7. The strength i did not know i had. the struggles have taught me to survive when i didnt think i could and have pushed me to do better for myself. my strength allows me to be strong for myself and for others.
  8. My biggest inspiration and motivator is a fear of death. That once I’m gone nothing will be left of me but my words/ thoughts.
  9. The desire to take that idea in my head that I know will entertain.. and to give birth to it on the page. It’s as natural a desire, to me, as food or sex.
  10. Fear of being a failure. making sure i leave a legacy behind
  11. The only thing that inspires me to do better is my boys. If I couldn’t have a baby I think I would have fallen off the wagon.
  12. I’m inspired by two things, the only things I feel we need: Friends and Family
  13. Life inspires me. There is so much to learn, to experience, to see, to live, and so little time.
  14. the fear of failure, and the possibility of failure. That i wont achieve what i know i can and i will come up short of the person i want to be. I fear failure and what i will never have if i dont achieve.
  15. A warm summer day in the back yard. Drinking a can of Dr. Pepper and thinking about the projects I plan to tackle today.
  16. Someone who is so passionate about what they believe that they will die for it, understands why they believe it, and lives like they are on fire for it. That’s the kind of person I want to be.
  17. The way music can connect people in a way that words and emotions can’t. Ethereal chords that echo through one’s soul filling it with immense peace. Harmonies shared between people that say, “Your heart understands mine.”
  18. When I go to the park and swing I imagine my whole life ok stable an free
  19. Laying on someones chest while they hold me, while listening to their heartbeat. For some reason hearing that makes me forget the bad, at least for that moment. Makes me appreciate the little things more.
  20. Sex
  21. Power
  22. Fame
  23. Money
  24. Italy
  25. Fine Cuisine
  26. Down Home Cooking
  27. Bare feet
  28. A cool spring evening
  29. A rainy afternoon
  30. A snowy day, curled in a blanket
  31. The moon
  32. The sun
  33. The stars
  34. Books
  35. Writers
  36. Painters
  37. Dancers
  38. Musicians
  39. Actors/Actresses
  40. Cinema
  41. Theatre
  42. Falling in love
  43. Breaking up
  44. Tears
  45. Broken glass
  46. Thunder
  47. Lightening
  48. A crack in the pavement
  49. History
  50. Pain
  51. Tragedy
  52. Butterflies
  53. The ocean
  54. The mountains
  55. A field of flowers
  56. Rainbows
  57. Animals
  58. Children
  59. Fire
  60. Life itself
  61. Death…in its entirety
  62. Sunrises
  63. Sunsets
  64. Philosophy
  65. Theology
  66. Silence
  67. A blank journal
  68. Beating drums
  69. Culture
  70. Spirituality
  71. Sexuality
  72. Tomorrow
  73. Laughter
  74. Sunflowers
  75. The number 13
  76. A scream
  77. Crayola Crayons
  78. Yesterday
  79. Bright lights
  80. Sirens
  81. Crashing waves
  82. Crumpled paper
  83. Clean white sheets
  84. The scent of a loved one on an old shirt
  85. A bodily scar
  86. An emotional one
  87. Rose petals
  88. Fireflies
  89. Memories
  90. Waterfalls
  91. A wrapped present
  92. An empty box
  93. Liquid courage
  94. Temptation
  95. A deep sigh
  96. Words unspoken
  97. Dreams
  98. A smile
  99. A frown
  100. The last time…

Cover me in kisses, cover me in inspiration 

one and the same. Here’s to 100 more.